I feel the entire world, in one piece, fractaled out into spider webs of kinnecton...
fragile fires, endless tapes and wires.
we are those ones, we are here.

I feel myself expanding rapidly, I'm prepared. keep your head on straight. don't scream.


I went to Brien Cristi's house tonight and it was awesome. We hung out, listened to awesome music (including David Bowie - Black Star?), Miah showed us his drawings, and Brien read his poem/reading aloud for us. It was pretty cool. Mostly I just like being with those people. I aspire <3

Aika, Miah, Caitlyn, Tyler, Brien, Doty, Doty's partner, and a new person who was cool.
I should go to bed. if I was sleeping outside I would go look at it... it's crazy, I'm going to miss seeing the lunar eclipse because its super cold and I'm lazy. if i't was warm I would 100% make myself stay up a little longer and go, or just go now. but I'm third as fuck and I should go to sleep tbh.

this place is special. while I'm eager to leave and learn new things, I also value the experiences that this place has to offer. But I also want to get out of my comfort zone and do something different. If it wasn't for Advocates I would 100% say yes, absolutely, lets go to this farm in Eugene and rock it for a year. but advocates has created this responsibility. its like having a child that isn't quite grown up yet. So, I have to delay my aspirations in one area of my life in order to pursue another........

I guess that makes sense?
man.. can I not have both.. there HAS to be a way.. right? ferric.....

what is going onnnnn???
will I ever know? will anyone?
are we fish? swimming up the river, trying not to get eaten by bears?
or are we blue birds... free, to roam the sky and take shelter in the trees..?
are we not both?

I don't know if I will ever feel ready for something that isn't here.
so with that in mind, how do I know if something is right until its there? what is the smartest thing to do..?
most responsible... for who??

manifest... possibilities
aspiration
horticulture learning
a job that allows me to express my passions while learning about horticulture, maintaining relevancy in the field of horticulture, and practicing horticulture daily.