new IG

I am starting a new instagram

This is my healing project. heal myself, heal the world.

i am a writer at heart. i have neglected this part of myself for much too long.
i am a creator in the making, i am nourishing this part of my soul,
so that i may heal.

plants found me.
they felt my stagnation, the pain locked up tight inside of me, and they came to help.

suppressed creative outlets rise to the surface.
movement, dance, expression.
exploration, creativity.
food as medicine.
ritual to ground, so that the earth may be our channel.
finding infinity within myself.
these are my medicines.
writing is my medium.

combinations of words,
release endless possibilities.
infinity is ALL.

i hope to use this as a creative outlet and medium to release and heal the suppression that is asking to be addressed.
free my mind, body, and soul, so that i may become an embodied human.

running for healing

Running for healing..

the steps on the earth, rythmic, consistent, conectivue
remind me that i am earth.
i am this pulse that i can creating with my strides
thud, thud, thud....

i am the pulse of all things. my movement reverberates into the earth.
as i continue, keeping steady.
i breathe into my stagnation, releasing..
allowing the earth, wind, fire, water... to clear out that which is no longer serving me.
to create space, to invite movement, breathe..
clean air, water, soil.

i imagine breaking away from the chains of my demons..
being pulled towards the divine light.
my shoulders drop, my heart leads.
i breathe.
and just as a sycamore being freed from the grip of a strangling grape vine,
i am breaking free from the gripping, pulling, tearing, and gnawing of these unsupportive forces.

i am not running away. i am running towards.
towards light, freedom, love, divinity.
my feet carry me forward, just as they always have.
but this time, my heart takes the lead.

i listen to my body. allowing myself to take a break when i need it.
breaking down my old programmings -- push yourself to your limits.
i allow my body, heart, and mind the space they need to communicate.
because, what am i training for?
i used to train for sport, competition.. fierce fire.
now, i am training my mind to listen to my body.

i am training my heart to heal itself.

I am constantly inspired by those around me, those that i see on social media,

i am constantly inspired by the transpiring of others lives...

and seeing attention, i am, seeking approval, kinship, friendship, from the one that i know I have it from no matter what.
maybe that's what it takes, is that conversatoin. do i talk about it or keep it to myself forever?
it seems the longer i suppress it, the worse it gets...

i want to talk about it in person. i really do.

to do tomorrow

- start IG
- make dream catchers
- finish AoC and Harmonia work
- make meal guide for trips

i'm starting an instagram

things are really great.
i'm in love with suzanne and life.
things are moving...


i made a dreamcatcher the other day and it felt amazing.. LIKE AMAZING!

i had this idea ...

I WANT TO MANIFEST THIS!!
- start making dreamcatchers -- have a separate IG for dreamcatchers, food recipes, and plant medicine
- make dank dreamcatchres
- make one masterpiece dreamcatcher to begin -- invest in crystals for it
- trade dreamcatchers for sustainable fashion!!

^^ Catalyst Creations
- 1 post per day --
-  a dream catcher
- plant medicine, recipe, info, story, lore, bit of info
- food recipe
- ayervedic tip

**with each pic, include a poem that you write

I CAN DO THIS NOW
I am going to begin doing this now
JUST DO IT
start the IG tomorrow!!

This project will group together my passions in a way that will allow me to play around with getting to know my strengths and weaknesses . It allows me to foster, refine, and explore my creativity through creating dreamcatcher art, being in the woods harvesting supplies for dreamcatchers, sharing my knowledge of plants and plant medicine, and sharing my passion for healthy food and a healthy lifestyle.. also WRITING! Writing a poem everyday and allowing myself that space to share it with people will allow me to heal.

This allows me to incorporate all of my passions into one project. This is the begining of my healing center. IG can be my first healing center. Healing. That is the goal here. Healing myself, really. This project will keep me focused, allow me to keep healing, consistently. it will keep me going.

I"m so excited about this!! This really will help me so much. i just have TO DO IT!

this project will also help me heal my unhealthy relationsip with food, which is very important to me.

i forgive myself.
all is forgiven

i just want to be outside and travel.
i just want to have my cats in my backpack and play on the beach with tropical plants. <3

light, dark.

we all know sadness.
all of us feel sadness, and we know that we share in this.
at least you should.... you do now.

but, what we do not know, are the memories that lye behind that sadness. the specific moments in time - a capsule - a message that your brain will just not stop sending - a record that you never wanted to listen to...

deep within, those memories have a hold on us.
they pick at the strings that hold our bodies together.
they find ways to permeate love.
but love is greater.
love is broader, wider, fuller, kinder, gentler, warmer.


come back to me, young one.
you have every reason to feel alive.
you sacral pleasure is rising; control, power, subsiding.


we cannot know the memories of another - we cannot know the specific pain pattern linked to moments in time -- we cannot share in the hues, pitches, and angles -- but we, too, have colors, sounds, and shapes. they have all been painted black. gray. red. blood.

we all have sounds, shapes, colors.. feelings. we all have them. we hold onto them.

we paint some rainbow, and some black.

rainbow is my favorite color.
so is black.

light/dark.
the trick, the key, the healing...
i think..
is turning your black, into someone else's rainbow.

i mean to say, i think that the key to truly healing the sounds, shapes, feelings that come flashing into your mind - make you wince, hurl, curl in pain --

i dont think those memories will ever go away -- if they do, that's just repression - not healing.

use your pain to heal another -- human, plant, animal, planet.. spirit.
in that process, you will find healing yourself.
then the black -- is just another color.
and colors are great.

cause all of them together -- make a rainbow.
light, dark.

big deals

in some situations i feel that i have a very good sense of just, not complaining, not caring, not making things a BIG DEAL.

the reason i believe i am good at this is because my emotions are so much to handle. they're overwhelming. i have better things to put my energy towards. energy is precious. put it towards the things that matter; the things that make your heart stronger.

my energy is too precious. it is not worth it for me to put my energy towards a topic or situation that isn't that big of a deal in the grand scheme of things.

there is a breaking point, always, of course, and I believe that can be measured  in the respect you have for yourself. for me, i am showing myself more respect than not by choosing to not make certain sutations a big deal; choosing to not REACT. because a reaction is energy lost-- and to what? it is when it becomes disrespectful to yourself to not say something that it becomes necessary to react -- but even then, a reaction does not mean an aggressive, spiteful, angry one. A reaction is choosing to address the situation because it has now become worth your energy.

my energy is so important to me. I know i am limitless; but honestly, it doesn't always feel that way. i must take care of myself; i must charge myself; love myself enough to not let myself get rubbed the wrong way so easily -- except with Sumo apparenty, idk what that is about -- its just worth it.

seeking

longing for friends.
connection.
community.
solitude.
healing. forgiveness.
singing, expression.

connection.
heart speaking.
fear seeking...?
i feel, the fear seeping.
heart speaking; i want you to know me.
the deepest parts, the truest parts.
who i am -- that is spirituality.

releasing that which no longer serves me.
focus on me.
release the patterns of behavior that do not align with the fire deep within your onion soul.
do not allow the outside persecutors to remain in control.
you are the one, you are the full.

I want to..
- take a pottery class
- get my massage therapist license
- go to grad school for nonprofit stuff
- travel the world
- take a scuba diving class - get certified
- back country ski/snowboard