I am

Today, I'm starting a blog. I think this will be good. I used to have a xanga. Do you remember those? I used that thing as my diary for all of sixth grade. It was fun, a much more personal form of Facebook I think. Everyone seemed to share everything on there. Mine got deleted along with many of my classmate's at the beginning of 7th grade. I've always kind of been sad about that. I mean, that's one of the only times in my life that I was writing nearly everyday, and it was on the internet! I used to write everyday in high school, and I go back an look at my journals sometimes, but it would be super neat to get an insight to my eleven year old self via an archived blog. 

I am 21 years old. I almost wrote 20. I guess I'm feeling pretty immature today. 

I nervous eat. 

I'm eating tortilla chips, they're super good, but it's nervous eating. I keep a snack by my side so that I don't waste time going downstairs to the kitchen and opening the fridge 500 times a night, somehow forgetting that I did not go grocery shopping in the past fifteen minutes. 

This is my journey. My story. 

One time, 

i found myself walking along this path

I didn't really know where I was going, but I knew it was the right way.

I could feel the pulse, I could hear the voice, external.

I didn't really know what was happening, 

but I knew it was right. 

I listened, very intently. 

I followed, very carefully, 

because I knew it was right. 

Somehow along the way, 

I got scared.

I saw things, felt things, heard things....

I was confused, and while I could still hear that pulse, pounding...

fear found its way in.

Just believe these things are happening to you,

and fall into them. 

This is your life,

you are in control. 

I'm nervous eating again. I'm not going to even go back and read it.

Why have I never done this before? Wow...

When we were youngsters,

we thought the adults had it figured out.

then we get here,

to find that they were never there.

we're not here.

I'm ready to move on,

I'm ready to heal.

I'm ready to feel, real.

If there was something, just one thing.